What to Do When Toddlers Fight - CareforKids.com.au®

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Child care workers charged over toddler 'fight club'… and what to do when toddlers fight

Only in the USA, we hope, the latest unbelievable story reported in the Sydney Morning Herald's world news pages the other week was that three childcare workers had actively encouraged and videotaped a fight between toddlers.

OK, we all know that a bit of conflict and sparring is all part of growing up and learning how to socialize and deal with conflict, but generally speaking physical fisticuffs is to be discouraged rather than being actively encouraged. But that's just what happened in a childcare centre in Delaware.

According to the article, three US childcare workers videotaped a fight between 3-year-old children in their care and encouraged the toddlers to pummel each other as they laughed about it, according to court documents.

The three Delaware women were charged on Monday with assault and other offences after police obtained the video. Officials suspended the licence of their employer, the Hands of Our Future daycare, the same day.

Officials say the incident occurred in March.

Clearly one of the children is crying and does not want to continue on and he is pushed back into the fray by one of the adults,' Dover Police Captain Tim Stump told KYW-TV.

A mother of a child at the same day care, Cristyal Slack, said that her four-year-old daughter was in the room and witnessed the attack when the fight happened in March.

Truly unbelievable behaviour and clearly if you ever suspect or witness anything in your child's child care centre, it's very important to address the issue with the management ASAP.

If you do have squabbling toddlers, or teenagers for that matter, here are some useful pointers from www.whattoexpect.com.

"No matter how sweet little ones are, when toddlers get together on a play date it's likely there will be some tense moments. But an angry toddler is usually just a frustrated one — unhappy about the situation at hand and may not have the words or means to change things.

Sometimes fighting toddlers are experimenting with the concept of cause and effect (what'll happen if I bop my playmate on the noggin?) or testing how you'll react. Whatever the cause — and no matter whether your darling is the instigator or on the defensive — here's how to minimize toddler fighting and handle bouts that do break out between angry toddlers."

Before the next play date:

Give lots of positive attention. It doesn't take much for little ones to realize that acting out gets them a lot of attention. Counter this notion by showing your toddler that good behavior will earn him just as much or even more attention from you. Pour on the praise when he shares a toy, plays gently, or takes turns. He'll soon see that doing the right thing gets him the right kind of notice.
Talk about feelings. Little kids don't yet have the words to say what they're feeling, so they often resort to what they do know how to do (push, bite, and hit) to get their point across. So talk about emotions often — practice showing each other what a mad face looks like, or give a musical tip on what to do when tempers flare by singing, "If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet." Once your tot understands what he's feeling, he'll be better able to cope when that emotion pops up.
Talk about consequences in advance. On play date morning, say something like, "We're going to have fun today at Josh's house. Just remember, the rule is no pushing. If you push, we'll go home." Most important: Be sure to follow through on whatever rule you set.
When angry toddlers start fighting don't jump in too quickly (but don't video it either! Ed). Sometimes fighting toddlers find their own solution to a squabble, and that's a good thing. As long as no one is getting physically hurt, give the children a minute or two to work things out — they just may surprise you.
Get tough… with words. Let your child know in no uncertain terms that aggressive toddler behavior like hitting (or pushing or biting or pulling hair) is not okay. Say something like: "No hitting! You'll give your friend a boo-boo." Though your edict may not be heeded at first, repeat it as needed, even after you've removed him for breaking the no-hitting rule. One absolute no-no: Never hit him. Spanking fighting toddlers would not only send mixed messages about violence, but also undermine their feelings of security and their bourgeoning self-esteem.
Remove and distract. No matter which one of the angry toddlers was the aggressor, after you've stopped the fight put some space between them. Introduce a new supervised activity to focus on, or offer a story or snack. Chances are they'll be thick as thieves in no time".